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  • Writer's pictureEmily Kerr

Reconnecting With Your Partner






One question I will often ask couples is “when was the last time you had fun together?” Sometimes there’s head-scratching, anxious laughter, and often the answer is “maybe sometime last weekend, but I can’t recall.” Reconnecting with your spouse can feel burdensome and overwhelming, hopeless and frustrating.


When we’re first dating someone, most of us are looking forward to the next time we see them. We’re learning new things, we’re sharing things about ourselves, we’re experiencing things together—sometimes for the first time which heightens several hormones which further bond us (hello oxytocin!) Fast forward five years and a few mortgage payments and most of us have stopped trying to get to know the person we share our live with—crazy right? We often assume we know everything there is to know about this person and would hands down win at The Newlywed Gameshow. Newsflash: You can only know your spouse as well as they’ve let you know them. Want to know more? 


Having fun together opens the doors for more emotional and physical connection. The average date night of dinner and a movie often doesn’t engage our sense of playfulness—it’s just low-hanging fruit. Dr. Emily Nagoski highlights this fact in her newest book, Come Together (2024), and she really hits the nail on the head. When I work with couples, I encourage them to a make a bucket list of experiences they would like to do together, and to take turns planning outings to adventure together. Most major cities publish free things to do in the city each weekend and this can be a great place to start the search. I’ll also encourage them to grab a couples trivia card game and take turns asking each other questions they never thought to ask as a way to unlock that information they thought they knew but didn’t. Connection doesn’t have to break the bank—it just has to be FUN!


I look forward to seeing your creativity on your next date night!


 

Dr. Emily A. Kerr is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and owner of EK Counseling, LLC,a Denver therapy practice. With over thirteen years of experience treating individuals and couples, she brings her candor, humor, and motivation to each session. She specializes in eating disorders, body image struggles, sexuality and gender, life transitions, general anxiety, and building self-esteem. If you are struggling to make a transition, or you just need extra support to create lasting lifestyle changes, please call to schedule an appointment.


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